JAYA – The Fight Of My Life (As lifted off Mavuno Life – July 2013; Pics by Mutua Matheka)
The shrill scream of a woman in labor pierces through the air, gently waking her out of her stupor. Her bloodshot eyes slowly open, greeted by a bright white light. The feeling in her face, arms and legs has returned just enough to allow her gingerly pick her head up and slowly glance around the room.
To her left is a worn green curtain. To her right sits the dejected figure of her father, gently caressing her right hand. A gripping sense of sadness instantly shoots through her body, overwhelming every part of her being. She is alive!
“Why won’t God just let me die?” she cries. “Why is God mocking me? Does He hate me that much?”
This was Jaya‘s seventh suicide attempt in the past eight years, landing her in the hospital’s High Dependency Unit. A few moments earlier she lay motionless on her bed, pumped full of medication.
It all started with Jaya Awinja’s clinical depression diagnosis at the age of 11. At first, it appeared nothing more that tantrums and mood swings; then graduated to prolonged and intense back pain. X-rays and a battery of medical tests came up empty. It was then that a psychiatrist was involved. Panic attacks. Sleep apnea. Loss of appetite. Extreme bouts of hopelessness and helplessness. This became the new normal.
“I felt so confused and alone, ‘What could possibly be going on?’ I asked myself. Especially since I grew up in a stable home, went to a good school and had supportive parents.” She adds, “I didn’t understand, yet for the next eight years I spent more time in hospital than I did at home”.
Convinced that this was never going to go away, Jaya’s teenage years felt like a cruel life sentence. Yet today, Jaya stands and boldly declares, “There was a light at the end of the tunnel. I know I am alive for a reason”.
TURNING THE CORNER
In 2009, a persistent and unrelenting friend finally broke her defenses and got her to attend Mavuno Church. She slinked in to the back of the dome and the message by Pastor Muriithi hit her like a ton of bricks.
“There is someone here who has a burden they have been trying to let go, and you have tried dealing with it yourself. You’ve even tried taking your life on multiple occasions thinking it would make life easier. God is calling you today, and He is asking you to put your issues in a garbage bag and leave them at the foot of the cross”.
This was the beginning of her turn-around, and soon after she found herself at Mavuno’s teens’ church. The teens there were weird – they were excited about Jesus! She had to try it again. On a subsequent visit, she was surprised to receive an invite to attend their youth camp at St. Andrews Turi. She wasn’t a believer, and didn’t see the point. However the invite was serious, and she soon found herself Molo-bound.
On the bus, the strangest thing happened. “I sat next to someone who was very interested in hearing my story, and as we talked and bonded, I completely broke down. I had been masking my pain in clubbing and parties, but here were a bunch of crazy people whose lives I was so attracted to. Right there and then I knew what I had to do. I asked my new teenage friend to lead me to Christ”.
Jaya spent the next couple of years growing her faith and serving at the teens’ church. A student of the Kenya Conservatoire of Music, she had been slowly honing her craft, and at Mavuno got to meet artists like Kanjii, Rigga, Astar and Bupe, who took her under their wing, mentored her, and helped her jumpstart a music career.
Jaya, whose name means Victory, is the first to admit that she is not completely out of the woods, but she knows she is much stronger and better prepared for the challenges of life.
“I may not be where I want to be, but I’m not where I used to be. Today I have a real faith that anchors me, and I’ve come to see these challenges as warfare, and as battles that must be fought on my knees. Before Mavuno, I would never have had the strength to face life. But today I have real friends, in fact a second family, and a good support structure.”
PURPOSE IN PAIN
It’s impressive to see how she has taken her pain and is now looking to help others. “I know there is an 11 year old out there who has been told they are dealing with psychological issues. In fact there are many young people who are suffering in silence. They are too embarrassed and ashamed to speak out, so their coping mechanism is clubbing.”
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Jaya, who shot to fame for her vocals on Juliani’s ‘Bahasha Ya Ocampo’ has since worked with the likes of Atemi and Kanjii, and even did background vocals for U.S Gospel sensation Deitrick Haddon and West African Idol’s winner Timi Dakolo. She is now talent manager at Code Republik, a team of talented youth who specialize in events, media and brand activations, and together they can be found serving at Mavuno’s Teenz Konnect.
Yet in addition to her career, she has recently started the “Reach Out: Speak Out” campaign a cause that seeks to sensitize society about depression and suicide among young people. It calls for youth battling depression and suicidal thoughts to speak out, and those around them to reach out and listen. She says “Depression is real, and is claiming so many young lives. It doesn’t have to be that way. Speak Out about it. Reach Out to those going through it.”
They can be found on both Facebook and Twitter under the moniker “Speak Out::Reach Out“.
Her parting shot is a rehashing of the words of Biblical character Joseph – “The devil intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”.